maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
