in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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