Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize