I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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