Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
