I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think people are normalizing furries
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
