does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
