So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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