I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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