you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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