"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
