highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have feelings that need drinking.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
