Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize