I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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