the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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