my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
