just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
