How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
