oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
