reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
