I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
