He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
