My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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