I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no you cant smoke seaweed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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