It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
