yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
