its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
