Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm always down for nudity.
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