I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
