She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
