he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
