remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
