my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
