remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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