thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
