Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
