I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
