I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
