i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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