Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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