Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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