If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
