i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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