i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
