I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's the barista slut.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize