i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
