Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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