Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
