We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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