Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize