I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
