just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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