The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
