I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
