she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
