A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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