I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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