dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
