I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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