I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
