so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
