Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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