Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
