Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
