T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
