my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Randomize
