How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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