Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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