What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
