I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
