best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
