yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
