Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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