He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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