so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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