Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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