1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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