I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
