Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
