I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
