Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
