So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
