Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
splinters make it hard to masturbate
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
