Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize