I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
