He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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