he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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