her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
