Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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