theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
