The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
