Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
