The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
