the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
