Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
