He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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