he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize