I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
