I hate all girls vehemently.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
